Hetalia
by VoldemortsFanGirl
Summary: A collection of drabbles and oneshots about the various nations in Hetalia. I've given up trying to write long stories so now I just toy with the nations for sick amusement. Warning! Features: France, attempts at humor and slash.
1. Chapter 1

Hetalia drabbles

Very Responsive aka The Go To Word in fanfiction

(I've noticed that in fanfiction everyone's always "very responsive" during sex. I do it too. I think every ff writer does. But just once I'm going to make fun of it. And who better to do it with than Al?)

Finally! Francis Bonnefoy thought smugly. He'd finally lured Alfred away from Angleterre! The stuffy older man had been busy discussing protocol with Germany and it had been easy to lure the younger away with promises of hamburgers. And now Alfred was with him. All alone. Honhonhon~!

He slid behind Alfred's chair where he was chowing on his precious burger and slid his arms slowly around America from behind. Then he engaged in the patented Francis Bonnefoy Seduction Technique 1: The Sensual Murmur™. "Does it taste good Amérique?"

Nothing. No shiver, like he got from Italy, no soft blush graced Alfred's cheeks like it had Japan's. "Oh yeah dude its great! Oh man I love hamburgers! They're so yummy and delicious and better than anything even your food France! But I mean who wouldn't prefer a juicy, hot hamburger over snails man? That's just gross! Hahaha!"

France gritted his teeth and refrained from comment. His hand twitched, wanting to come up and massage his brow as he often did around Jones but he refrained. Seduction, he reminded himself. Seduction. He tried again.

This time he sprawled next to America, invading his personal space and throwing an arm around the back of his chair, crowding close. Time to move onto the Francis Bonnefoy Seduction Techniques two and three: The Crowd Pleaser and the Close Up. A deadly combination. He grasped Alfred's chin and tilted him up to face Francis who then smiled his best dazzling smile. "Undoubtedly. Tell me Amérique-" Here he stopped to ever so lightly brush the line of Alfred's jaw, a definite sensitive zone. When nothing happened he almost frowned but chose to forge on. "Do you bring this appetite with you to bed?"

There was a pause. Alfred blinked at him. "Man I wish but England says that its gross and rude to eat in bed and I leave crumbs all over the place." A tic was developing in Francis' left eye.

"We could" He swallowed and pulled out his secret weapon- The Closer. He seductively climbed into Alfred's lap and hovered over his mouth, just a hairsbreadth from kissing him so that their lips phantom brushed each other as he spoke. "indulge each other. I bet you're..." He slid his hand under the collar of the superpower's shirt to caress the back of his neck. "So voracious and responsive in bed."

"Well," came a smug voice from the door. "You're half right." Francis stiffened. "He's certainly... greedy" The twist of Arthur's lips implied what exactly Alfred was greedy for. "But" He strode over to the American who was finishing his burger. "He's certainly not responsive. If you want to get his attention-" England's hand, deceptively slim, buried itself in Alfred's hair and then _wrenched_. "You have to be be more forceful."

Between them Alfred's eyes were wide as he looked up at Arthur and suddenly the bright robin blue of his eyes was deepening to the hazy color of lazy summer days. Arthur looked down at him. "Come along lad. We'll order in." Then he turned and walked away with a sway of his hips, completely confident that Alfred would be following. France abruptly found himself dumped on his ass. "See ya later France!" And then he sped out the door leaving poor Francis on the floor with both a bruised ego and behind. Well...

However not one to dwell on his failures he got up, brushed himself off and stepped outside. By a stroke of luck Kiku was passing by. France sidled up behind him. "Tell me Japan," he leaned down to whisper in the other nations ear. "How are you feeling today?"


	2. Chapter 2 TGIF

In the middle of downloading some new music I was struck with an irresistible idea. The Bad Touch Trio always has awesome Friday nights but what about the rest of the nations? Some small drabbles about "Last Friday Night".

(Song- Last Friday Night by Katy Perry)

_There's a stranger in my bed__  
><em>_There's a pounding my head _(Germany)

Italy was in bed with him again. It was sad that Germany didn't even blink over this anymore. Italy stirred. "Veee~ Ludwig we need to do that again." Feliciano said as he stretched. "I never knew you could be such a passionate man veveve!"

Germany's eyes widened and he turned his head in small increments until he was staring at Italy (who was naked). "What." It wasn't even a question. Italy snuggled closer. (Oh god he was naked too. Ohgodohgodohgod)

_Glitter all over the room__  
><em>_Pink flamingos in the pool_ (Poland and Lithuania)

"Liet! Like wake up! Our room became like totally fabulous overnight!" Liet groaned and removed the pillow from his head.

"Feliks," He groaned hopefully. "Do you think you could be a little quieter?"

"Like I'm never quiet! Gosh Liet you've got to be loud to get somewhere in life! I mean look at you! Russia like totally makes you his bitch!"

Sadly Lithuania could not disagree with this statement. He was indeed Russia's bitch. Resigned he opened his eyes and was met with… pink. Gaping he sat up. The room had been redecorated. Long strands of pink streamers fluttered from the ceiling and when he swung his feet over the side of the bed the crunch of pink glitter met his feet. And the only thing he could think to say was "Who the hell…?"

"I don't know and I don't care! It's totally staying this way!"

Fuck.

_I smell like a minibar__  
><em>_DJ's passed out in the yard_ (England)

"Eurgh." Arthur Kirkland took a whiff of his shirt and grimaced. This was definitely not the proper start to a day. Tea. He needed tea. And some aspirin. He slowly (ever so slowly) sat up and looked around. Well at least he'd made it home last night. That was always a plus. He stood and began the arduous journey to the kitchen.

Once he had his cup of tea in hand he felt more equipped to face the morning and shuffled outside to get the morning paper only to trip over a passed out America in his yard. He not so gently kicked America awake and rudely told him to "Piss off git before you ruin my reputation with the neighbors!"

"Dude you go out drinking with those other weird European dudes at least once a month. I think your reputation is pretty shot by now!" Annoyingly America wasn't even bothering to get up. Just tilted his head back to look up at England and-

England snorted and pointed to a spot on America's neck. "Well at least I didn't come home with a hickey." Then he shuffled to go get his paper while America made a panicked dash towards his house and a mirror.

_Barbie's on the barbeque__  
><em>_There's a hickie or a bruise _(America and Russia)

America's eyes were wide and panicked as he shook England. "IGGY! I think- I think-"

England scowled. "Oh just spit it out Alfred!" He finally snapped irritably.

"I THINK I SLEPT WITH THAT COMMIE LAST NIGHT!" He wailed.

_Pictures of last night__  
><em>_Ended up online_ (Japan)

Japan tranquilly sipped his morning cup of tea as he clicked through his photo album. Fridays always held such an abundant source of inspirational material and he was especially pleased with the way things had gone last night.

Ms. Hungary would just love these.

_I'm screwed__  
><em>_Oh well__  
><em>_It's a blacked out blur__  
><em>_But I'm pretty sure it ruled_ (Prussia)

Prussia woke up and couldn't remember anything that happened last night. He did know it had been a Friday so he'd gone out drinking with Francis and Antonio. He also vaguely had a memory of dancing around a sleeping Poland and Lithuania and throwing glitter everywhere.

He could have worried about it like his brother was in the next room over. But he was too awesome to worry so instead he shrugged, got up and got himself a beer. He was sure whatever _had _happened… had been awesome.

_Last Friday night__  
><em>_Yeah we danced on tabletops __  
><em>_And we took too many shots__  
><em>_Think we kissed but I forgot_ (Spain)

"Ah Lovi?" What happened last night?

"… When I came to pick you up you were dancing on the table, singing about how much you loved your little tomato."

"Oh. Why did you come pick me up?

"You texted me. Bastard. Remember these things next time." Lovi's face was beyond even his usual tomato red.

"Ah.. Lovi?

"What?"

"Did something else happen last night?"

Romano mumbled something and Antonio leaned in close to hear it. "I'm sorry I didn't hear you. What happened again?"

"WHAT?"

_Last Friday night_

_Yeah we maxed our credit cards__  
><em>_And got kicked out of the bar__  
><em>_So we hit the boulevard_ (America, England and Russia)

Alfred and Arthur stumbled down the street giggling. "S-say" Engand mumbled. "Mer'ca… is there something you've always wanted to do and you could just never work up the nerve?"

Alfred stumbled and leaned into Arthur. "Course there is Iggy. Wouldn't be a hero if I… if I…. couldn't move past a little bit of emoshional trauma.

Arthur considered this. "I suppose so."

They supported each other for a few more drunken half steps before Arthur mumbled, "Always wanted to climb Big Ben."

"Dude seriously?"

"Yeah."

"I've always wanted to sleep with Russia. The Cold War? Nobody else noticed but that was aaaaaallll sexual tenshion." He waved an arm for emphasis.

"Alfred…. Everyone noticed. Except possibly you and Ivan."

There's a long pause. "Is that right?"

"Yeah."

An even longer pause.

"Iggy…. I think we should go… fulfill our dreams."

"Tha's bloody ridiculous Al." England muttered to a lamppost. "I can't climb Big Ben in these clothes. They're utterly unsuited to this weather. Al? Well where'd he go?" England wondered blearily. "S'okay though I like you better anyhow. How bout we go to Narnia together?"

_Last Friday night__  
><em>_We went streaking in the park__  
><em>_Skinny dipping in the dark__  
><em>_Then had a menage a trois_ (France, Romano and Spain)

Romano wasn't quite sure how he'd ended up here. He'd gone to get Spain and now he was… now he was… his eyes slid shut on a gasp and his head tilted back coming to rest against (that stupid perv) France's shoulder as Spain delicately nipped at his throat and worked Romano's curl with his other hand. France's hand slid into his (tailored) Italian trousers and he had one moment left to think 'I'm going to regret this tomorrow' before he stopped thinking at all.

Elsewhere Prussia whooped loudly as he streaked through a park with several police officers and one pissed off little brother on his tail. "HEY EVERYONE! LOOK AT MY AWESOME FIVE METERS!"

_Last Friday night__  
><em>_Yeah I think we broke the law_

"Mr. Kirkland?"

"Sod off mate! Me and this lamp post are havin a talk! We're gonna go climb Big Ben together and we're just discusshin certain strategic climbing gear!"

"I'm sure Mr. Kirkland. Let's go ahead and get you home."

"Exshellent idea ossifer. I might have some old climbing supplies stored away there!"

England quite docilely climbed into the back of the police cab with the ease of long practice and was passed out within a minute.

_Always say we're gonna stop_  
><em>Whoa-oh-oah<em>

_This Friday night_  
><em>Do it all again<em>  
><em>This Friday night<em>  
><em>Do it all again<em>

_Trying to connect the dots__  
><em>_Don't know what to tell my boss_

"Heh" Alfred tried in vain to tug his shirt collar higher. "Well Mr. President Russia probably wants to talk about a Russia-America Federation because you see… last night…"

Think the city towed my car

_Chandelier is on the floor_

"Well…" Francis eyed the chandelier laying in the middle of his bed with the eye of someone long used to this sort of thing. "It needed to be cleaned anyway."

_Ripped my favorite party dress_

Romano scowled. Damnit those had been his favorite pants. Those bastards.

_Warrants out for my arrest__  
><em>_Think I need a ginger ale__  
><em>_That was such an epic fail_

Prussia shrugged as his brother lectured him about the responsibilities of being a nation and how he should makes sure to keep his clothes on next time and absently wondered where his other sock had gone.

_Pictures of last night__  
><em>_Ended up online__  
><em>_I'm screwed__  
><em>_Oh well__  
><em>_It's a blacked out blur__  
><em>_But I'm pretty sure it ruled_

Elizabeta clicked through the online photo album and her eyes gleamed with a sort of soulless depravity. Roderich gingerly edged around her and then left her to it before she could get any ideas.

_Damn__  
><em>_This Friday night__  
><em>_Do it all again__  
><em>_Do it all again__  
><em>_This Friday night__  
><em>_Do it all again__  
><em>_Do it all again__  
><em>_This Friday night_

_T.G.I.F._

"Come on Bruder! You can't avoid alcohol forever! We're German! Well- I'm Prussian but we can't all be as awesome! Kesesesese!"

_T.G.I.F._

"Veeeee~ Romano wanna try some of this rice drink Japan sent over?"

"…. Fine"

…

"Stupid".

_T.G.I.F._

"Oh Alfred~! Why don't you come out and have some nice vodka with me?"

"Forget it you commie bastard! I'm never getting drunk around you again!"

"Oh that's okay America. I can wait. You have to come out eventually kolkolkol!"

"WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS?"

_T.G.I.F._

England hoisted his old climbing gear and smirked in an confidently inebriated fashion.

_T.G.I.F._

"Well my friends what devilish shenanigans shall we get up to tonight hmm?" France plunked their drinks down on the table and moved to straddle a chair. Prussia shrugged while Antonio very determinedly shut off his phone. "Who knows? We're too awesome to plan these things!" Three mugs clinked together. "Thank god it's Friday!"

So? R and R. May do more detailed sketchings of what exactly happened that Friday night in my drabble collection or I may leave it at this. Hope it wasn't too OOC. Also: Arthur got drunker as time went on…


	3. Chapter 3: TGIF backstory RussAme

A/N- The RusAme backstory to TGIF. Is somewhat graphic because I'm a perv. Don't read if you have sensitive eyes. Or do. I mean that's how I got wrapped up in this whole yaoi business. :D

Warning: this might get a little more serious than my other ones.

Alfred swayed a little bit as he stood on Russia's doorstep. But only a little bit because he was slowly getting more and more sober. Damnit he should have stopped and got some booze for reinforcement. See the thing was Alfred had always wanted Ivan. Even in the middle of the Cold War when they were more than a little crazy and hot to make each other bleed he'd wanted Ivan. He just couldn't help himself. He was irresistibly drawn to the other nation. And he had no idea why.

Well. He told himself. Today he was going to solve that little problem. He nodded to himself firmly, making his Nantucket bounce. Yes today he was going to fix all that. And then before he could lose his nerve he raised a clenched fist and knocked.

Russia opened the door promptly with the customary vodka bottle in hand. "Ah America what can I- Oomph!" Without quite realizing what he was doing Alfred had thrown himself at Ivan and was now kissing him quite enthusiastically, if slightly drunkenly.

And Russia, never one to turn down an opportunity kissed back. Alfred vaguely registered the sound of a vodka bottle hitting the floor and the soft glug glug glug of alcohol but that was becoming ever fainter as Russia carried him away from the front door and further into the house. "Ah where are we going?" He asked when they parted for air.

"My bedroom." Russia growled (in that accent of his, that sexy sexy Russian accent oh god). "Do you have any objections?"

"No. No objections."

"Good."

Ivan kissed him this time and was it possible to get contact drunk? He definitely wasn't the only one who had been hitting the bottle tonight. But of course since it was Russia none of it impacted his coordination at all. Damn Russian probably drank the stuff for breakfast.

Russia laid him on the bed and paused for a second. America scowled. "What're you waiting for an engraved invitation?"

"No" Russia smiled innocently. "Just enjoying the sight of you in my bed."

"Asshole." America groaned and reached up to tug the other nation down by his scarf. "Don't know why I want you" He gasped out, moaning as Russia slid a hand up his shirt.

"Silly Alfred," Ivan murmured against his neck before biting down. "Of course you do."

"Oh? Enlighten me you commie bastard?"

"Alright." Ivan's hand cruelly tweaked a nipple. "You want me because I'm " here Ivan paused and drew America's hands behind his back, holding them there with one large hand. "The only one you can't completely dominate." He pressed America down into the mattress.

America's eyes widened and he stared into Ivan's violet ones before he started thrashing. Russia rode him out, his larger body easily overcoming America. "Fuck you! I'm not like the rest of you! I don't want to conquer everyone!"

"Oh but you do my friend. You're a super power. It's in your nature." Believe me." Here Ivan's voice darkened. "I know. Now then be a good boy and take your clothes off." Then with one last push into the mattress he removed his hands and sat up. With shaky hands America pushed himself up and shoved his t-shirt over his head in one hasty movement. He fumbled with his pants for a brief moment under Russia's steady gaze but eventually managed to slide them and his American flag boxers off and lay in Russia's bed completely naked. The sheets were warm and soft. It was a comforting feeling lying in the warmth as Ivan's predatory gaze devoured him.

"America" He breathed, trailing a hand down Al's torso and settling it on a hip. "As always you are simply… stunning." Ivan's thumb was gently caressing the curve of his hip and the ownership implied in that gesture was making Alfred ache with want. God. He just wanted Russia to push him down and cover him completely fucking him through the mattress with one hand on his hip and the other around his neck until- "I can't wait to have you." Russia's voice interrupted his fantasy and Al noted dreamily that his accent was steadily growing thicker and more guttural. Ivan studied him for a few more seconds and then began to unwind his precious scarf from his neck. It was somehow erotic, the simple unwinding of his scarf and with each slow pass that revealed more and more skin Alfred's longing to kiss and bite at that pale neck grew. Finally the scarf was off. Ivan laid it carefully over the back of his chair and turned his attention to his coat.

The rest of his clothes went quickly once the most important piece was off and Ivan steadily disrobed with no hint of the nervousness that had plagued America. Eventually (Ivan had a lot of layers) Ivan stood naked in front of him. And what Al hadn't realized was that Ivan was _built_! All this time everyone (Al) had been making fat jokes and he'd been hiding that under his coat. _Damn_.

Ivan noticed his attention and preened a little then slid quickly into bed beside Alfred, as if afraid he'd change his mind. Al didn't and he wouldn't. For some inexplicable reason he wanted Russia and when America wanted something he got it. And so when Ivan slid in beside him Alfred reached over and tugged that thick hair, guiding Russia's mouth down to his. The kiss itself was rough and a little sloppy. Ivan still tasted of vodka and Al imagined he still tasted of the scotch England liked to drink. Ivan nipped at his lower lip and took over Alfred's mouth curling a hand around the back of Al's neck to keep him still and oh boy did that set Al's motor revving. He let out a low purr and Ivan, noticing this, pressed his fingers a little firmer into the skin of Al's neck. Al moaned and Ivan kissed him again. It was all the things he had wanted since the Cold War, without the added dreams of bloodshed. Ivan apparently agreed (although maybe he still wanted to beat the shit out of America. One could never tell with Ivan) because he was kissing back just as passionately. Between kisses he was murmuring "America… America..." and a few Russian words that vaguely resonated with the part of America made up of his Russian immigrants but he was too far gone to place it right now. He hazily tucked the elusive words away in the back of his mind for another time when his brains weren't being sucked out via his mouth.

Ivan knelt up and began to tug at Al's hips. "Get up America. On your knees. I want to see you… on your knees." The last words were a growl. Unbelievably turned on Al did as he was told and was swiftly tugged into Ivan's lap. There was a pop and Al heard the distinct sound of lubricant being squeezed out of a bottle. He had half a second to think "Where on earth did he get-" And then one of Ivan's fingers were working their way up inside him and he was too busy panting and moaning to think." "Do you have any idea America how long I've wanted this?" Ivan punctuated his words with a harsh jab to Al's prostate and he cried out flinging his head back in ecstasy. Ivan took the opportunity to nip punishingly at Alfred's neck, determined to leave evidence of his claim on America. There would be no escaping him, after this. "Sitting there at world meetings. Teasing me. Taunting me. And all I could think of was bending you over the conference table and fucking that attitude out of you." Alfred keened and leaned down to tuck his head into Ivan's shoulder embarrassed but at the same time so incredibly turned on. Ivan squeezed his neck again; fingernails' digging in just so and oh that was wonderful. "But now… you finally come to me and I can't even give us our long awaited satisfaction. Because you come to me drunk". Ivan leaned over and whispered the last two words in his ear. "You coward". And Al came helplessly with a whimper his burning face pressed tight to Ivan's shoulder.

Ivan held him through the remains of his shuddering orgasm and when America was mostly calm ordered the other man to suck him off. It didn't take long, Al got the impression that Ivan had been getting off on the things he'd been saying to Alfred more than anything else and when he came Ivan made sure Alfred swallowed it much to his distaste. Then Ivan tugged him back up and geez he sure was pushy and whispered softly in his ear, reclaiming his hold on Al's neck and flexing his fingers slowly. "The next time we do this love I will fuck you so thoroughly that you will never want to leave my bed again. But you," he paused to nip at Al's ear. "Will be sober. You will come to ME and beg for it. I won't have you dismissing it as me coercing you or the alcohol." He shook Al a little. "You understand yes?"

Al nodded his eyes wide. "Yes. I understand."

"Good." He released him and The United States of America was left feeling strangely bereft. "Now then it's time to take you home."

"Ah just take me to England's. I should make sure he got home okay and it's closer anyway." Had he been looking at Ivan he would have regretted saying that as a dark smile spread across his face and his eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

On the ride over America passed out, worn out from the alcohol and his orgasm so Russia was left to take him out of the car by himself, no mean feat even for someone as big as Russia. He tenderly laid him down on England's front lawn and standing over him, paused for a second. Then he nodded and reached down to tug at America's t-shirt so that his mark would show. He nodded to himself in satisfaction. That would show England. America was his and his alone now. He turned and his coat whirled in the darkness. Time to go home.

The next day while America was busy freaking out Ivan put in a call to his boss and had a nice long breakfast before leisurely stretching and deciding to go visit his new lover. Since it was only polite he took a bottle of vodka along as a gift.

End.

A/N~ Woo! Sorry this took so long. I've actually had it mostly written for a while but it was in two separate parts and I was having trouble bridging them. But at long last it's finished so I hope you enjoy! I'm undecided about what I should do next. Another TGIF fic or some other unconnected drabble? I'd love to hear from you!

Love,

The author


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